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Swimming with your Tee On

You’ll never catch me swimming without a t-shirt on, and I’m a firm believer that more men should follow my lead. Why? Let me explain:

Men should leave more to the imagination!

Has anyone noticed that men seem to be tossing off their shirts and pullovers at an alarming rate these days? From Justin Bieber to the lads from Magic Mike, it seems that modern men are more eager than ever to bare their midsections to the world. Am I alone in thinking it’s FAR more attractive for men to leave something to the imagination? I feel quite alluring in a large t-shirt during one of my dips in my local community pool. Give it a try, men. You might be surprised by the flirty looks you receive.

It will improve your swimming

Not only is swimming with a t-shirt more attractive, it also improves one's ability to swim (through aerodynamics possibly?). I don’t have ‘proof’ to back this up in any way, but from experience, I can tell you that a waterlogged t-shirt cuts through the waves in a way bare skin never could. Much like a leopard gliding through the African savanna, a man in a t-shirt simply streaks through a pool. I imagine it’s only a matter of time before we start seeing Olympic swimmers in t-shirts at the 100m final!

Taking longer to dry has its benefits!

Swimming with a t-shirt will mean that you will take longer to dry off. This might sound like a negative, but there are some positive aspects! That extra drying time can give you a chance to contemplate your life choices, plot out that book you’ve always wanted to write, or horse around with your chums in the locker room! (In the event you are not with any chums, horsing around by yourself is also an option.)

The expression ‘saucer nipples’ has nothing to do with it

One thing that does NOT factor into my swimming with a t-shirt is the expression ‘saucer nipples’, often heard whispered back and forth among other pool patrons as they steal quick glances. Don’t these fools realize that I’m perfectly happy with the size and shape of my nipples? In fact, having an unusually large nipple circumference is a sign of intelligence and virility in some cultures. I’m proud of them, to be frank. My impressive nipples have nothing to do with my t-shirt choice. Nothing. Nothing at all.